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Monday, December 19, 2005

My Say

"If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;"

If— by Rudyard Kipling

"Be without tongue when cursed"
Yunus Emre

I write this post with a heavy heart.

Damn, with all the real suffering and trouble in the world, even having to mention something like this is petty.

I thought that keeping silent would lessen the negativity and ease the situation.

I was wrong.

Still, I had to think long and hard before I broke my silence.

I am all for staying away from negativity and keeping positive, especially in this season of peace and goodwill, but enough is enough.

I have to do something I am loathe to do, but I must discuss private issues between me and other people. My only consolation is that if people check their dates, they'll realise I didn't start this.

I also have no illusions that this post will end it, either.

When I have abused no one's character my character has been slandered. When I have lied about no one I have been lied about. Finally when people spit out so much venom, it doesn't matter how hard you try, unless you spit some of it back out, there is a danger that it will stay in your own veins.

Poison Pen Letters
Today I received some mails about a public discussion concerning me in a Tarkan Yahoo! group. Some of the things said by one particular person were so far from the truth, I didn't believe it at first. I haven't used any Yahoo! account for ages, and didn't want to sign up again, so instead of going to see for myself I asked the lady who checks my mails, Lucy, to have a look for me.

I would hope that Marleen's Yahoo! group will not be inadvertently hijacked by this. I guess I am already too late, however.

In this post I will mention full names, so as to distinguish from those who are not involved. I will also attempt to mention everything in exact detail, because it seems that when I asked my friend B to be general in her condemnation of the things she read about me in the past by someone I will mention below, other readers took it to mean themselves, also.

But I can't talk about abstract conversations between my friend and other people. I want to talk about things written about me in black and white, that I can prove and print...sent to me by people, which in all honesty, I don't know whether to thank or not.

Theirs is a dubious honour.

Plus, I have no illusions about myself. I am a bastard. I am aloof. I regard only those that I love with any emotion, though I try to be as polite as I can to everyone. I am what I am. I'm not going to apologise or make excuses.

However the truth is what I deal in, not fictitious lies by someone who thinks she can say whatever she wants, because she thinks I am too polite to answer back...using my good nature to her advantage.

To start with, this particular post is not about Timea Baksa or Marleen van Woensal, or any other person that uses the Tarkan Yahoo! groups...apart from one person. But I need to mention these two ladies, first.

I know it is going to sound like a big contradiction, in that I have said this post isn't about Marleen and Timea, and will spend time writing about them.

But I just want to make it clear.

I want there to be no confusion as to where I stand. And although I hate to group these issues together like this, because they are unrelated, I don't want to have to use my blog for such subjects too many times.

So, to begin...

Marleen van Woensal
Marleen once accused me of something I did not do. Subsequently, she spoke about me to other people in less than honest terms, more specifically to a Mr Resul Koca who lives in Australia. He told me about a conversation they had shared about me on MSN. In fact as he saved the conversation he copied and pasted me parts of it. I couldn't believe that Marleen, my friend Marleen, could have said such things about me to a complete stranger.

But I guess I should be thankful that at least Marleen never badmouthed me in public.

You must realise that I had shared details of my family and my friends with Marleen. We had exchanged family pictures. We were friends. She was my first friend via the Internet.

Wasn't it only normal that I would be deeply offended by her accusations? I was so insulted I did something I rarely do, but I asked her to take my translations from off her site.

With Resul I also did something I very rarely do. This time I did swear and shout! I was very angry, as we say in England, I flipped. Recently, someone emailed me to tell me that when he asked Mr Koca about me a few weeks ago, Resul said that I was a "wanker".

Well Resul, one day if you find out that someone you thought was your friend could say such things about you, you would flip, too. I'm sorry if you got the rough end of my indignation, but you can handle it. You are a man. We talked man to man that evening.

I have never vented my anger out on a woman. I have kept all my correspondence with Marleen, Resul, Timea and everyone else in question. With none of the ladies - or actually with anyone apart from that one time with Resul on MSN, have I ever been abusive or rude.

I try to keep in mind that they don't really know me, have never seen me. They do not know the highs and lows I've experienced to make me the man I am today. How can you know the tapestry of a person's soul, to take care of its stitch work without spending time and effort with them or without adding a few of your own?

A few emails here and there will not really help you to know someone. So, I have always tried to give people the benefit of doubt.

If Marleen and Timea are honest, then they will accept too that I have never swore at them or sent them any type of hate mail. Even in anger I try to be polite, not just with women, but everyone.

After the learning curve with Marleen, with all the hard work and effort I'd put into her site and the emotional investment one puts into a friendship gone sour, I promised myself that I would try hard to steer away from such friendships again with Tarkan fans. I would help them, but try to make sure that they didn't become so attached to some fantasy of me...that the emotions they mistook for love would then turn so easily to hate when they realised that I did not share the same feelings.

Timea Baksa
This post is also not about Timea Baksa.

I was offended at first when you, Timea, sent such angry mails after my staged disappearance. But I never put my offence into action or into words so as to cause offence, because it was something silly that grew out from my nephew's project. I was actually in hiding for a time, writing the script to the short we filmed...and so I didn't even get any of your mails until you had built up such an wall of anger that I felt disappointed.

I didn't realise you would take it so seriously...You and the lady who has been badmouthing me publicly were the only ones to send such mails...She just climbed on the bandwagon...her real reason is something truly unknown to me...but she just took advantage of this incident as an excuse to attack me and send an abusive mail about me to my family.

I appreciate that your mails Timea, however angry, weren't filled with abuse or hate...only stress and anxiety. I fully appreciate that. Whatever you said, you said it because you cared...not as an excuse to let me know what you thought of me.

I could have handled the situation better. I have always and will continue to accept any real blame and true criticism Timea has of me, because she will always attack what I've done, not who I am.

And I in return have only crticised Timea once about her integrity! For someone who had been sharing out illegal copies of Tarkan songs on her site to now suddenly be combating piracy and asking me to get involved on the basis of my posts did make me wonder a little...but if the reader has a mind to, please read what I wrote there carefully.

I think compared to everything you've written Timea either publicly or privately about me, it doesn't really stand to comparison.

Still I too, like yourself, in that matter possibly expressed opinions a little swiftly perhaps, but without attacking you personally or your character. Search through every single post here. As you have never done to me I'm sure, negative remarks as to your character in this blog are lacking, Timea.

You may ask - how could I turn my back against you? I also had mails sent to me that your forum itself at one time publicly tried to turn people against me, I though it best just to stay away. And sometimes a quick break is for the best Timea.

You are still an angel to me...As are all the others with which I shared good times in your forum. And they were good times, informative for me as well as, I hope, for those I tried to inform. I hope your forum goes from strength to strength. It is imperative that it does so.

I have faith that your dreams will be fulfilled. I only hold the best for you in my heart, for now and always.

And in the same way I ask you to look in your heart Timea and I hope there you will see what I mean. Put your trust in that most important part of you, because I do.

And so, on to the main reason for this post.

Inge van der Lugt
Someone has been spending so much energy writing about me and my work that sometimes I do not know whether to be flattered or insulted.

But only an idiot would be anything less than insulted after what I've had to read through.

I didn't believe it at first. How can anyone who doesn't know someone, write such lies about them?

What was it you wanted to achieve, Inge van der Lugt neè Versteegt? Did you think that the more you lied about me, the more you spread such poison about me, that it would finally engage me to act and show some emotion towards you?

Arguably, because I've never treated Inge in anyway but cold politeness, then that must be the problem.

That's it, isn't it, Inge? That I've never been rude to you, or in fact shown you any emotion apart from cold politeness. Whatever you happened to say to me in your mails, I have never sent you any hate mail.

I have kept all our correspondence. Nothing I have ever written to you could be classed as hate mail. You were the one to send me and my family what may be considered hate mail, and even then I didn't respond to you, because I thought, "Hey, that's just her opinion." I respected your freedom to say what you felt you wanted to express. The minute you started to become personally abusive, I just didn't reply to your mail.

I'm not here to force you or anyone else to my way of thinking.

Why should I argue with someone I don't know? What would I gain from it? I only know your surname because you got around Lucy and my email filter by sending me your latest correspondence from your husband's email address.

Sometimes, indirectly from my blog, when I was sent certain things Inge wrote about me, in her same poisonous style, the most I did was try to show her that you could do more productive things with life.

Why can't you forget I exist? I would surely not remember you, if you didn't keep wanting to remind me all the time.

I am sorry, Inge.

Sorry that you will still not get the reaction you want. In fact, even though you are the main reason for this post, you'll have to be content with just this. Because I can't spend as much time on you as I have explaining the situation with Marleen and Timea, because they were a part of my experiences, good and bad, in the fabric of my tapestry.

You...I just don't know what you are going on about. So much drama, and no script...if you know what I mean.

Is it down to the fact that in our last correspondence I refused to write an article for you about meeting Tarkan, because I believed the account should be written first-hand - even though I did offer my help to edit it if you wrote it?

Or is it because I wouldn't amend one of my posts with a suggestion you made?

I wonder if it could also be the fact that I reminded Inge about her beliefs that Tarkan is a homosexual in denial, something she believes to this day, because he refused to sleep with her when she was stalking him. Her stalking of Tarkan was what she had written the article about. She thinks he manipulates the media and has even implied that his current girlfriend Bilge's relationship with the singer is false on this basis.

Of course I can back all this up, Inge. You wrote something called "Discussions" and sent it to me once, and correspondence in emails to me from you have suggested these viewpoints. I can publish all these if necessary. You have accepted your psychological hang-up about Tarkan in the past, which took you a long time to get over. You believe yourself to be cured. Yet, you believed Tarkan to be gay because you believe yourself to have suffered or to suffer from a syndrome where you fall in love with or are attracted to homosexual men. Is it because I reminded you of these thoughts of yours in our last correspondence that I insulted you so, and is this basis for this venom?

You see as I've never offered Tarkan sex, or even thought about such issues, I wouldn't know. Tarkan's sex life doesn't interest me. Proper journalism and the truth concerns me.

Yet you seem so cocksure in your description of me and I wonder how this can be, when I have shared only the briefest of correspondences with you? Let me quote you when you say that you think that I am "just a very very lonely person with a Tarkan obsession and some unsolved mental problems." You seem to know me as well as you know yourself.

As I've always said, I don't know you personally to care about you so I can't hate you or really, up until today, be bothered about the things you say regarding me. Hate is far too strong an emotion, impossible for me to feel that for you...even now.

I don't hate you. I forgave all you said the moment you said it. I wish you well.

But, I am finding it difficult not to pity you.

And I don't understand why you feel it necessary to use Marleen's Yahoo! group as a platform to vent your anger out on it as I said because I won't entertain such useless and negative dialogue with you, that you feel you have to let the poison out somewhere...anywhere?

I am sure you have your own reasons for creating this drama and this anger...

What I give below are rebuttals to what Inge has said about me and my work publicly.

That is what really offended me. You swear about me, that's fine Inge. I'm a big boy. I can handle it. But when you try to open your mouth about people who have helped me make this blog what it is, in spite of the things you say, then I think I need to have my say...

I will spend no further time on you personally. I don't do personal attacks and I will not profess to know you well enough to make some up, either.

  • 1. I am assuming to show as proof of my "dark character", this woman accuses me of removing an article she wrote, about the days she stalked Tarkan, from my site. I never did that. I just didn't include it in my blog. There are many articles in my old website that I haven't included here. None have been excluded out of "hate".

    CamiFor example, I don't hate Anna Malpas (she wrote a review about one of Tarkan's songs), I don't hate Cami (see left pic, who wrote an article about how someone tricked her using Tarkan's name*)...and their articles are not here either...or have I made these people up, as Inge accuses me of doing in other situations? I could provide the articles, extra personal pictures and email addresses here, but I leave it up to the reader to decide. For those interested, here is a screenshot of my the old pressroom section of my site.

    I will however stress that I've never made a decision on this site or any of my sites due to such a base emotion...or ever in my life or work. I try to be professional in all aspects of my life. If I did things on the strength of such emotions as Inge believes I have for her, then in the same way why haven't I deleted all my posts from Timea's forum? Why didn't I push Marleen further to remove my translations and amendments from her site? Why does Timea guest write at the blog? Believe me when I say a harsh word or criticism from any of these two ladies has more of an effect on me than anything a perfect stranger such as Inge could say.

    My reason for not adding her article and numerous others was a decision going to the concept of this blog. I believed the articles about Inge to be better placed at Tarkan Translations, and when I had the time, they were planned for that section.

  • 2. Inge accuses me of telling lies on many levels. Namely, about my friend, B. You say she is a figment of my imagination. Lawyers make friends in their own circles. I met her when I first came to Northern Cyprus to practise law. I chose this option to be the most beneficial to my own community.

    Not that I should have to explain myself to anyone, but this is what I will tell you about her. A female lawyer, a close friend, and the initial B had nothing to do with her name Yıldız. If she offended anyone then it was because in turn she was offended by people who took liberties with my name.

    Read more about B's life >>

  • 3. Inge also accuses me of falsifying the emails I frequently answer or receive. I am not going to list emails of all the people that have sent me letters, I can only assure you they are all real.

    My assurance is enough simply due to the fact I don't lie. I didn't become a lawyer because I love having my cock sucked in a courtroom. I became a lawyer because I love the truth and the law, and hold these above everything.

    But of course if Inge's accusations are to be believed, someone with my character who is "a very very lonely person with a Tarkan obsession and some unsolved mental problems" - then I can't be trusted. Hell, we should let all my clients know immediately, and my friends in fact the whole legal community.

    I'll quote Inge again. "By the way I really wonder if he gets this much mail or if he may be writing most of it himself," she says. The woman continues with her productive criticism based on such salient points as "I cannot believe he has someone working for him to read and answer his emails."

    Well I have some suggestions for Inge, seeing as she is so interested in my readership community. I can post her email address here and see how many replies she gets, and then perhaps she can let me know?

    My tripod counter (screenshot see left) shows that the hits to my address that hosts this blog was five thousand non-unique hits for this month alone. Anyone who has a tripod account knows you cannot alter its count. If anyone wants proof of this I will gladly give them my password, so that they can check my account personally. Alternatively, click on the picture top left for a larger view of the screenshot.

    I have never boasted about such things, my work stands on its own I have no need for a visible counter on my site.

    Or possibly Inge has the time to email all these people personally? At the woman's request I shall forward her my readership list...then she can sit down at her convenience and email each one to investigate whether they have emailed me, when and at what frequency.

    Anyone who wishes to take up the task has my blessing. I also wish them a lot of luck. I remember it used to take me three days just to send a newsletter to all my list members - because there is a limit on how many people you can email a day from free email services such as Hotmail due to spam prevention. There is a 24 hour mailing quota. Try emailing five hundred addresses and see.

  • 4. Inge also accuses me of being "just obsessed with Tarkan like many" fans. She also suggests how wounded I must be as I have "never even met Tarkan himself" and she wonders "if Tarkan knows that he exists".

    It was Marleen's friendship that brought me into Tarkan related work on the Net - not any obsession.

    I have to admit this one made me smile. If the woman is so inclined, she can ask Marleen what I think about Tarkan. Marleen has many good contacts with his management and offered for us to meet him together. I declined on every occasion.

    And whether Tarkan knows about my existence or not, I could not say...but his Turkish lawyer, Süheyl Atay, asked Marleen about me, during our collaboration with her site. As a part-product of that collaboration, at least three of the translations published on Tarkan's Unversal Latino release are completely mine.

    I've also had other invitations that I've declined. My friend B's father is one of the richest businessmen in Northern Cyprus and could invite anyone down to the island for a private any time. She wanted to bring him down for my birthday party two years ago, to cheer me up after a car accident I suffered. But then, I, who Inge has proved so adequately to be a mental case and a pathological liar, could be lying...right?

  • Finally, Inge suggests that she is not alone in this vendetta. Well, where are all these people that hate me? If I am hated so much, why have the only mails to come into my in-box that could be construed as hate mail come from you, and to a lesser degree, from Timea?

    If you have the courage of your convictions, please ask all these 'people' to email me with their grievances. I will personally ask Lucy to forward everything to me.

    Just one sidenote to add here. I have already quoted Inge where she has said she "cannot believe" I have "someone working for [me] to read and answer [my] emails".

    Let's get this straight. Lucy doesn't work for me. I see this as an insult to a very fine friend by a less than fine person.

    I would suggest to Inge that she gets her facts straight at least on this one small point. I never said she worked for me. From the first, I said that she is a lady who very kindly gives her time voluntarily to check through my mails.

    To continue, I promise I will reply and publish every single piece of "hate mail" I get. And if there are apologies to be made - trust me, I will make them. I know Inge has also been shouting out that I only like people to email me who compliment me all the time, even though she doesn't believe these people to exist.

    All I can say to that is, I know the difference between personal criticism and personal abuse. Does she?

The Truth and Nothing But The Truth
Inge has also expressed that she is willing to share her email correspondence between us to anyone who requests it privately. I can go one better. I will publish every mail sent to me and my family by Inge and my replies back to them on this blog, if I think it necessary in the future. If I need to keep rebutting Inge's lies, I will do it.

Because I believe in the truth, I am not afraid of it. I don't like doing this, but if it is in the pursuit of truth, I'll do it.

Who knows what Inge could send to people as "my correspondence"? Any person that can blatantly lie as she has done, cannot be trusted in my opinion. It would be a bit more comforting I suppose if I thought she really believed all she says about me. In fact, I know she doesn't believe all the lies she's been spreading about me.

No. I think she is just saying anything, anything, which she feels will turn people against me.

What a fool the person that believes my character or my belief in myself is hinged on one blog or a pop star. And in a futile attempt to slur me what will she achieve?

Still, I must admit however to find it hilarious that she thinks she can say the worst things imaginable about my character and then add such a delightful suffix, "but I send him flowers of love," and to imply she would be ready to talk again. thanks. Time and time again, I've read personally and publicly how Inge thinks I'm mentally unbalanced...well I really would be crazy if I did wouldn't I?

* The article about Cami was incorporated into a Tarkan Deluxe blog post after corresponding with a Tarkan fan who pointed out the benefit of warning others about such dangers on the Net (added December 2007).

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