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Monday, April 10, 2006

Dear World...

"Her Faerie Tales" by Mailyn, writing from Miami, USA

...We are sorry we are so difficult.

We know it's hard dealing with those of us that have a Mood Disorder and, more than once, it can try the limits of your patience. Believe us when we say we never wanted it to be this way. We didn't ask to have a mental disease, we are not seeking attention, we do not want your pity or your accusations. We cannot control what we have and we can't make it go away any more than a person with cancer can make their illness disappear. We swear to you we are trying, but we don't have much strength on our own. Sometimes it takes all that strength simply to brush our teeth, comb our hair, or even get out of bed and face the world.

All we ask is that you be there, that you don't judge us, that you be patient, that you really listen and that you'll reach out to hold us when the darkness is threatening to swallow us whole.

It's the worse kind of feeling, to think others don't care enough. That we aren't important enough for you to be patient with or to be heard regardless how many countless times we need you or your reassurance. To be asked how we feel yet when we talk all we get are vague responses, or that far away look as if you aren't even paying attention to what we said. We understand you get tired day after day, month after month, year after year, but believe us, we'd do the same for you. We know how important it is to need someone to hold on to in the middle of the storm. Someone that loves us so much they are willing to hold on when we know we're going under. Someone that doesn't get exasperated as if dealing with a bratty child.

Make no mistake, we are not devoid of feelings for others and we are not unworthy of your love. Many people like us can and will go through anything for someone they love but we just don't think anyone out there will want to inconvenience themselves that much for us. In some cases we are the ones you come to when you are down and many of you tell us we give really good advice. It's because we listen. When you are telling us your problems there is nobody else as important as you. For that one moment you are everything because we know you'd want us to really pay attention. It's because we know exactly how it feels when nobody listens.

Please, if anyone you know starts talking about wanting to end it all, wanting a way out, or say they are getting their affairs in order DO NOT ignore their thoughts and actions. It's as close as a cry for help as you will get before the inevitable happens. You cannot begin to fathom the hopelessness that eats away at us until we feel there is ABSOLUTELY nothing anyone can say or do that will make life worth living. DO NOT make the mistake and assume if you tell us our loved ones will miss us that we will change our minds. More often than not people like us going through a suicidal phase FIRMLY believe the world will be a much better place once we are gone. We feel guilty every day we are alive because we are a burden to everyone we love.

Even if you love us we know it takes a lot out of you to put up with our constant mood swings. Irrational fears that you can't take away no matter how much you try. How those fears can make us doubt that you even love us no matter what you say or do since we just know that we are worthless mess. The waking up in the middle of the night because we can't breathe, or not being able to go to sleep because it feels that the walls are caving. That there's nothing to look forward to in life. How emotional we can get and how the littlest thing can cause us to go into the worst kind of depression or the worst kind of anger. Worst of all, the unbearable feeling that we will always be alone, that you who love us will get tired of dealing with the mess one day and no one else will ever care enough to go through heaven and hell with us.

We need you to give us your strength for support just as we would do if you ever needed us. Even if we didn't have much we'd still give it all to you because that's what you do when you truly love someone.

And, most important of all, we would never base our love, its amount or its limits, on something that's not your fault. Please do the same for us.

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