Nana Korobi, Ya Oki

I've been on a journey of self-improvement for a decade or so, and I'd recommend anyone to make the effort of improvement a part of their lives. But that is as far as I'd go in terms of advice. In these types of situations, I always feel as though if someone else were to utilise my life improvement programme it would be like using the copy-and-paste method to write your own script.

Any true writer knows that you need to have the courage to face the blank page and just write what is inside you. Taking a mish-mash of other people's ideas, or even a structured template, as your own to fill that page, will mean you are never going to be the author of that story. You need to use your own words and your own ideas; otherwise your plagiarism doesn't just mean you'll have learnt nothing, it means you'll never amount to anything - not in the long run.

As I've explained to my sons, sharing some of the process on this blog for over ten years has not been to show others some secret path to success; sharing what I have learnt about myself is a part of my own development. It's my own way to process my thoughts, because for me, the effort expended is the reward, not the improvement itself. The end result is not the teaching experience that helps me grow, it's what I needed to learn to get there that matters most to me. But that is me.

Self-help and self-improvement should mean just that: You help and improve yourself and no one else. The tips and tricks you use to get you through life will be particular to you; there is no certainty it will work for anyone else. For some people, they don't need to know how to get a desired result, they just want to be told what works. For others there is no gain without pain, while others need to be rewarded after every step. What will work for one, will not work for another. What works for you, will work for you. Every path to an outcome is as individual and diverse as humanity itself.

It's for this reason I've never really had time for self-help books, or gurus that claim they can solve the problems in your life. The reason is not because what they are sharing is wrong per se; the danger is that they claim what they are sharing is right for you. If you read between their lines, the contradictions are clear: This life is your life so why ask other people directions to places they've never been, says writer Glennon Doyle and then promptly proceeds to tell you where you should go.

But Guru Doyle knows there is no grand secret anyone can share to magically transform your life, because the fact is they don't know you. More insidious is the reason they will use when their hokey methods don't work to make your dreams come true: You just didn't believe hard enough. And to that, I would say that I don't need to believe in an aspirin for it to work. Or try telling a migraine sufferer that they can get rid of their symptoms simply by positive thought.

Dancing in the Rain/CartoonStock

Even if some psuedoscience babble were to work initially to help you smile through the pain, it will be because of a placebo effect, and not because of some mystical spiritual energy. But it isn't a cure. In the same vein, you can't think cancer away, or "fight" it with thought. Disease is not a battle you win or lose, either. This sort of "be a victim or victorious" framing helps no one. Even worse, it is this placebo effect that has been hijacked by the "positive thinking" brigade, to evidence that somehow your brain has the power to merely think into existence your dreams and desires. But if wishes were horses, beggars would ride.

In our world, however, beggars starve. No amount of positive thinking is going to put food in hungry mouths or stave off hunger. You can't materialise food with thought alone - and it's okay to be pissed off about that. Positivity is not always good; negativity is not always bad. You are not going to eradicate racial abuse by putting a positive spin on it: Tens of thousands of predominantly black and Asian service personnel died fighting for the British Empire uncommemorated due to "pervasive racism" and I don't see a good side to it. Nor, in a very relevant instance, can you help teenagers groomed by drug gangs on social media reclaim their childhood by telling them to just visualise a family life they've never known.

Similarly, you can't transform yourself by visualising it. Or emoting over it. Go chant and do a rain dance if you prefer, but the process of precipitation won't speed up because of your dainty two-step. If you want to put your faith in the power of prayer, or angels and gods to help you, that's your choice, but I prefer putting my faith in myself - and by that I mean that there is no magic: The way you figure out what works for you is by persistent trial and error, not ephemeral daydreaming. I believe in one's mental acumen, the strength of one's own two hands and playing the odds - because random luck is in the DNA of life - and it works for me.

I mean, rain dances possibly work for you. May be you circle yourself with salt and call up protective energies, and believe in the power of the full moon or spells. Or you hear guardian angels or gods talking to you inside your head and telling you that the power of prayer works. And that is fine if you believe it. Magic is nice to believe in, but it isn't real. What works is by simply living life, and figuring it out as you go along. And positive thinking might be an aid to get you through difficulty, but it's not a magic wand to make the difficulty disappear.

It also makes us face the harsh reality of responsibility; of course the people who harm us are responsible for their own actions, but likewise we have to take responsibility for the process of our own healing from that harm. Nothing is without effort, which brings me to this post's heading. It is a Japanese saying and literally reads as, "seven falls, eight getting up" and means to fall down seven times, and get up eight times. It's an encouragement to persevere, choosing to never give up hope, and to always strive for more. It means that your focus isn't on the reality in front of you, but on a greater vision that may not be reality yet. But, it's up to you to make it happen.

That isn't a great secret, it's just common sense. And some will read this as mulish stubborness, some will see this Pollyanna postiveness, some as steely determination. Brazilian novelist Paulo Coelho wrapped this up in his book about chasing your dreams, The Alchemist, as, "The secret of life, though, is to fall seven times and to get up eight times". But the wisdom doesn't need to be dressed up in a self-help fable read by millions. It can be from the author of a story that is read by one.

That is the real secret; the realisation that ultimately all that matters to you is your own story. Have the courage to face yourself as a blank page and to do your own writing. Then you'll go beyond Japanese wisdom: You won't interpret any "fall" as a fall at all, or see any improvement as an improvement; just the next step on a journey that is as magical in its randomness and chaos, as it is brief.

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