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Tuesday, April 18, 2006

I'm Going to Change your Life Forever

Our everyday existence is not based on the answers to the questions we ask of the cosmos.

The questions we ask the most are those to do with love. What do women want from men? What do men want from women?

I get so many girls and women ranging from all ages asking me, "What do you want in a woman?"

Questions of love are questions with no answer, or one with a thousand replies, and it will change depending on the person.

In asking this particular question, we make the mistake all too often of generalising about our own ideals in love. Love doesn't or shouldn't conform to a set of rules, or a list of likes and dislikes. The very point of falling in love should be that despite it all, there is an attraction you can't explain.

In addition, generalising though fun, isn't pretty. Is it accurate to ask in questions of love: Why do women constantly fall for men with insensitive closed minds that can never close a toilet lid or why do men constantly become attracted to women who want to be in their heads all the time?

Not in my opinion, because love is rendered meaningless when we try to pick it out from daily habits.

Connection Without Preconception

Love is a search for connection.

I have expressed before on this blog that as humans our only goal is to connect through communication. This is what lies at the heart of every action we take. In searching for that most cherished of connections, we shouldn't want to find an ideal, a fantasy, swallowing love up in a myriad of wants, needs and visuals.

Men want dumb blondes with big breasts, women just want it big. Is this love or do we really believe this is what people are searching for?

No.

Love is as fascinating as a moth finding the flame, inexplicably we are drawn to the fire, wanting to fly into its centre until we are consumed and are no more. It is possibly the greatest oxymoron, losing oneself to find oneself.

This is because love and good sex are not the by-product of physical satisfaction or gratification, or at least in an ideal world they shouldn't be - even though we know that very often they are forced to be. Physical satisfaction should be a tool used well, to connect you with another soul.

When we insult the act of sex and try to confine it to a few rushed moments, sex doesn't fully satisfy. If we limit it to a short climax, the anti-climax will be even greater.

Sex is one journey amongst many to the core of that fire, possibly the best journey. It is a search with all the senses to connect to the deepest part of the other, to create such a heaven on earth, that the scene of paradise still lingers in both your eyes even after the stars have dimmed.

If the sex is good, with the connection of the bodies broken, the core will still be joined.

I've had sex that forged such a connection, it was like a psychic link to the other person. Long after I had gone home, I knew what she was thinking and feeling, I could see what she was doing.

There was love in our connection, in all its shapes and forms: caring, respect, attraction, mutual lust, humour, simply loving and possibly even being in love.

We had gone on a search to find each other, and for that search to end positively, first we had to get to know the other, so when we did find the other in that fire, we were able to look into each other's eyes and immediately recognise the person there.

And for that reason, and that reason alone, should we ask the person we love what they want in a person. Not to try and construct something that isn't there, but to use as a guide to map out the places of our loved one's heart, so that when we journey to find their core, we only get lost at the right time.

Thus when the question is asked, "What do you want in a person?" usually it is asked at the wrong time and for the wrong reasons. It shouldn't be asked, but discovered after love has entered the story. It shouldn't be used as a measuring meter to decide whether the love is there.

If you even have to ask that question, then you know the answer.

Changing Lives

There is a saying that if you change someone's perception, you've changed their life forever.

I prefer to believe that if you can see with someone else's perception, you've changed your life forever.

I am not a believer of the fantastic, but I am a believer of love.

And that's what love ultimately should do. Connect you so perfectly with another that you can see through their eyes in such a way that you can never be the same again.

Yes, I know this hasn't been a simple answer to a simple question. After all, if we wanted simple, we'd stay single. Nevertheless, I'll try to end with my own simple answer.

So, what am I looking for in a woman? I don't know.

However, when love shows me the one, trust me I'll have a great time finding out.

My Life Handbook: Part one: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6

Read more about: Love | My Say

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