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Wednesday, May 10, 2006

A Proposition

Stephanie from London, UK writes:

Hi Ali! Now I am going to say marry me, but wait - before you throw my mail in the bin thinking it is so much more of the same - I can prove why we are compatible! I think I've got to know you pretty well by your blog and my ideal partner has to have certain qualities - I think you've got them all. Read the list and if there is any you say no to, then throw my letter away! But if you reply yes to them all, then get in touch!

My ideal long-term partner:

  1. Will give me piggy back rides.
  2. Will dance with me in the rain.
  3. Will be tolerant and understanding of my and others' religion.
  4. Will get jealous when appropriate.
  5. Will let loose their inner child, regularly.
  6. Will be creative in some capacity.
  7. Will appreciate and enjoy art, in all its myriad forms.
  8. Will appreciate and enjoy me, in all my myriad forms.
  9. Will be strong for me when I lose my strength, and will help me find it.
  10. Will be able to let go and be weak when I can be strong for them.
  11. Will have wings, and will use them.
  12. My laugh will brighten their day.
  13. Their touch will set my whole body on fire.
  14. I will feel their kiss to the tips of my toes and the depths of my soul.
  15. Will be ambitious.
  16. Will be a good dancer, or will be willing to learn.
  17. Will think I'm prettier without makeup, but will appreciate when I wear it.
  18. Will have a love affair with music.
  19. Will call me on my bullshit.
  20. Will enjoy reading.
  21. Will never stop learning.
  22. Will have a genuine smile.
  23. Will have a foolhardy laugh.
  24. Will be passionate in many ways.
  25. Will be very touchy feely towards me.
  26. Will be sensual.
  27. Will make me feel sexy.
  28. Will be understanding of my various obsessions, including, but not limited to: rubber duckies and the color pink.
  29. Will secretly appreciate that I call them on their bullshit.
  30. Will be honest.
  31. Will trust me.
  32. Will appreciate time apart.
  33. Will appreciate our time together as a result of that time apart.
  34. Will appreciate the movies.
  35. Will be at least as intelligent as I am.
  36. Will have things to teach me.
  37. Will never speak to me in a condescending manner.
  38. Will want to help others.
  39. Will be an animal in bed.
  40. Will be an old soul.
  41. Will want to learn from me.
  42. Will make me laugh.
  43. Often.
  44. Until it hurts.
  45. Will dream on a grand scale, but will understand that dreams are built from the ground up, one brick at a time.
  46. Will take pride in their work.
  47. Will love me and be in love with me.
  48. Will indulge me from time to time.
  49. Will have a healthy self opinion.
  50. Will know the difference between fucking and making love.
  51. Will be able to do both well.
  52. Will understand that my past is just that.
  53. Will have lived an interesting life prior to "us" and will have created their own history. We must have things to talk about in our old age.
  54. Won't always demand control of the radio/remote.
  55. Will know that I am beautiful.
  56. Will appreciate any art, even when they don't "get it."
  57. Will keep me motivated.
  58. Will be responsible.
  59. Will realize that even the most intelligent people have brain farts.
  60. Will laugh at my jokes, even when they're bad.
  61. Will be respectful of their parents.
  62. Will get along with my parents.
  63. Will not be a bigot.
  64. Will not be afraid to share their fantasies with me.
  65. Will randomly send me flowers once in a while... and they won't always be roses.
  66. Will be just as proud walking down the street with me in my wig and jeans as with my makeup and dress clothes.
  67. Will want marriage.
  68. Will want children.
  69. Will think that I'm beautiful when I'm pregnant.
  70. Will have the name Ali Yildirim.

With much love,
Stephanie Rothschild, London, UK

Dear Stephanie,

Well, for originality in chat up I'll give you 10 out of 10, but I'm afraid I'd say no to numbers 15 and 27. I am not ambitious at all, and I don't know if I could scarifice my principles over the dastardly colour pink. Plus my views on marriage (point 67) are less than traditional.

Seriously, though, I'm guessing you're not talking about love - just compatibility. If that was something I factored into my relationships, I'd probably be married (and divorced) about ten times by now.

Love cannot be created out of a list of wants or dos and donts, but very often love has its own list that our poor heart knows nothing about. Better poets than I have unsuccessfully sat and thought for centuries, trying to work out that mystery.

I don't know if you acquired this list from somewhere else and adapted it, or whether it is credited to you, but I'm flattered by your time, effort and sense of humour, of course. Men love to have their egos blown up by beautiful women.

I'm assuming you are even more beautiful than your words.

Thank you for the smile you gave me. May be one day I'll make you smile back...who knows?

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